Took a while to discover* who was stealing from the neighborhood cars left parked at night on the side of the road. It was a bunch of bears and coons who'd joined up to raid the area and split the loot before heading home for the night. Instead of leaving them alone...OBAMA directed his goon squad to slaughter them.
*This story was featured at a recent meeting held in Vero Beach, Florida. Master-star beings appeared and attempted to stop Obama from issuing that "snuff order"...but...found they had arrived too late. They buried the fifteen hundred little balls of fur and claw on a hillside beneath the shade of an old oak tree.